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Monday Musings: Yearning for Routine

2020 thus far has been littered with lots of stuff to mess up with routine. There was travel. There was flu. There was a broken pipe. In the whole scheme of things, it's just life. Life never seems to go as planned and we ultimately need to plan for the unexpected. But as my husband and I talk about what comes next - once his current job ends and we need to prepare for our next move - each disruption to our routine makes me sad. Not because I can't enjoy my morning coffee or because we didn't get to ski the full four days as planned.

I get sad because these deviations to our routine morph into reminders of the life that is waiting for us. The life that lacks structure and expectation once my husband leaves his reliable desk job for trainings away from home and life back at sea. A reminder of weeks and months without the comfort of having a second parent or best friend around. A reminder that I'm supposed to be strong and have a big smile and say that everything is fine. But deep down inside, I'm feeling scared and upset and lonely and sad.

We have a long road before this becomes a reality. But the sheer anticipation of it has my emotions reeling. I need to enjoy this routine while I can. While it still exists. Before it goes out the door. And then, it will be time for find a new routine, where dad just isn't around like he is now.

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